Experiencing God....Are You Listening?

This blog post comes with much delay.

The last several weeks have been Up and Down. Mostly down. But in the midst of all of it, He never left me. Some days though it felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. And it felt as though I was completely alone in my struggle.

Chemo leaves me feeling like a shell of a human being. About the time I began to feel somewhat human, its time for another infusion. But we did get some great news! I had a PET scan done and learned that there has been significant improvement. Which is fantastic news. For some reason though, I was hesitant to rejoice in this news. Knowing how the Cancer game can go. I look great on paper. My blood work continues to look great. With the exception of one week, when it was barley below normal. But what paper doesn't show is how I feel. The scariest part is the Neurological side effects. Praying that they are only temporary. Now with that being said we were hoping that my Dr's would say its time to cut it out. But they have recommended that I continue 3 more treatments until we can get me completely in remission. I have been very resistant to this and struggled with this constantly. BUT I have come to the conclusion that this is the path that was layed for me and the path that I chose to follow. God has protected my body this far and I HAVE to believe that he will continue to do so. It is not easy to allow poison to drip into my veins knowing the effect it will have on me. However if I can see an end in sight and trust that My God will carry me through to healing, then I must carry on. I am due for my next infusion this Thursday. PLEASE pray that God will continue to place a hedge of protection around me and keep me healthy during and after these treatments.

Now for a cool God story!

Brian and I dropped Sam off for VBS and headed to the Beach to watch the Sunset Sunday night. We had been talking about my situation and hearing from God. He decided last minute to stop for gas. After we got out I noticed a beautiful dog in the back of a pick-up. He looked like a clone of our sweet boy Bruce that we just lost a few weeks ago due to Cancer. Just a beautiful creature. It took my breath away for a moment. After coming back out of the store the driver off the pick-up (a man in his late 60's early 70's ) stopped me and asked very sweetly if I had Cancer, I was wearing a scarf. I told him yes. We talked about his handsome dog and our beloved Bruce.

He then asked me what type of Cancer I had. After I told him he informed me that HE too has been battling Breast Cancer! I have heard of this but never met a man in this situation. He was the kindest most gentle man of God. We talked for a while about how the Dr's only gave him a yr and a half. That was over 6 yrs ago! We talked about the bad days and how God always carries us through. He told me to trust in God always and he will take of me. And only God knows the time for each of us. He then asked me what he could for me. If there was anything at all. And he meant it. I asked him to please pray for me. That I was struggling and had some big decisions to make. He said he would and I vowed to pray for him as well. After our conversation I stuck my hand out shake his, instead he hugged me like he had known me all my life. It was a very special moment and I will treasure it forever. I know that God was there in that moment. I believe he used that sweet man to speak to me that day. As we drove away I had chills and came close to tears. God is good and His people are good!

This just goes to show that He is EVERYWHERE! He is in everything and if we are willing to hear from Him, He does speak. We just have to be available and have open ears and an open heart to hear!

Good Intentions Aren't Good Enough

How many times have we all heard the cliche "It's The Thought That Counts"? I have heard it more times than I care to recall.

Now don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful thing to have a compassionate heart and well intentions. The problem lies in the following through. Myself included, how many times have we vowed to pray for someone, had truly honest intentions but just never followed through with it. Or made a "commitment" in passing that we would love to do this or that, but just couldn't find the time to make it happen? I realize life gets busy and we all have our responsibilities. But we must get over ourselves for 5 minutes and think of others. Take the time to invest in others lives. If we only ever concern ourselves with our own problems, duties, circumstances and circle of friends then we miss out on the opportunity to make a difference in someone else's life, in turn impacting our own.

We MUST get out of our own little bubble and pay attention to what is going on around us. People need other people. Take the time to invest in someone outside of your circle. Let someone know that you care about them. Random acts of kindness are just that, to random. Don't be afraid to start a conversation with a complete stranger. What is the worst that can happen? Get out of your comfort zone. Be the light!

I have been mulling over this topic for a some time now. And wouldn't you know Pastor B "brought it" this past weekend at The Crossing! Throughout the entire message all I could hear were the lines of this song repeating, one of my favorites!

Hosana

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek!!!



Matthew 5:13-16
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Smooth Sailing

The days leading up to this mornings Infusion have been nerve wracking to say the least. I did my best to stay positive, but my nerves got the best of me.

I'm so elated though to report that everything went really well! I spoke with the Dr. before hand, and she went over everything with me explaining in detail the way things would be done. She also informed me that I am due for a PET scan to monitor my progress. So next Friday I head in to have that done! Prayers for much improvement!!!

I am so thankful that today went so smoothly and we had no problems. I am feeling 90% better than I did last time right after! I even felt well enough to enjoy a baked potato and frosty during my treatment;) I realize I will have a few rough days ahead of me. However, nothing like the nearly 2 weeks of needless suffering I endured last time! It is amazing how smoothly things can go and should go, when people simply read and follow the protocol!

Thanks to all for the continued support and endless prayers! You all rock!

My Strength is Not My Own

The events of the last two weeks have taken me to some of the darkest places I have ever been. I found myself struggling to find the surface many times. But they have also brought some of the greatest blessings I have ever experienced!

It began the day of my last Chemo Infusion. Although nervous and anxious,I walked into the treatment room ready to get this done and over with. Long story short, they completely got my pre-meds wrong. They overdosed me and overloaded my system. I had a horrible, horrific and terrifying reaction. With every nurse in the place by my side and my Dr. kneeling in front of me, they shut off all meds. I lost my sight temporarily and had a host of other immediate effects. A while later I was able to complete the infusion and return home.Only to spend the next 7 days in bed or on the couch. I had side effect after side effect, which led me to dehydration and left me in desperate need of fluids! It was honestly the darkest place I have ever been. Satan was after me.

I finally was able to get out and enjoy some time by the ocean with my family! It was so wonderful and I slowly began to feel human again. It has literally taken me 2 weeks to recover. I am still not feeling like myself. But I am getting there:)Even in the darkest moments when the pain was too much to bear and fear and depression were knocking at the door, I could feel His presence covering me and shielding me. He was and is my strength!


I had amazing support during this time and people really stepped up to help out! So many blessings have come our way in the last two weeks! I am just totally blown away by God's love and provision in my life! He never fails to provide for us. We are forever grateful to everyone who has made our life easier and taken some of the burdens off of us!



I am scheduled this coming Thursday to recieve my next Chemo Infusion. Please join me in praying for a smooth and drama free appointment:)


The Task Ahead of You, Is Never as Great as the Power Behind You.

Good Grief Is Now Available!

The much anticipated release of "Good Grief" is here! It is now available for immediate download! This book came at the perfect time for me, my family and loved ones! I encourage everyone to purchase this VERY helpful guide! If you are watching a loved suffer through Cancer, the loss of a child or any other type of grief, this book will give tangible ways to offer support! And also things NOT to do or say:) How to get your best intentions across. And don't forget, for the first 4 months %50 of all proceeds will go directly to my treatment fund!

Buy Good Grief Here!

Only God Possible

I want to share something truly amazing with all of you! I'll try to keep it short;)

As most of you know, I was connected to Erica Mcneal through Gina. They met on the Recreate Cruise and Erica was made aware of my situation. So upon returning home we became acquainted through email. I learned Erica and Todd will be moving to this area in about 4 months and possibly attending our Church! Pretty crazy! They are interested in a neighborhood less than 5 minutes from us!

We finally made phone connections and learned that they would be coming down to house hunt and learn more about the area. We had the pleasure of having dinner with them Saturday night and meeting up at Church Sunday. It was soooo nice to finally meet face to face! It felt as though I had known Erica for years! You know how you can just have that connection with people? I can honestly say that Todd and Erica are two of the most incredible, selfless people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting!

After meeting us, God place some pretty huge, and only God possible goals on Erica's heart! She describes it best! So please check out the latest post from her on her blog. Its simply amazing and moves me to see what God is doing in all of our lives! To learn more about the goals God has placed on Erica's heart and her passions go to My TWO Passions – Too Much?

My Kind of Fairy Tale

Today was a great day, so many blessings packed into one day! Could have gone otherwise, had I given into my human instinct to crumble under the pressure of my circumstances. But I chose to make this day about my family!


Brian and I were able to upgrade our Busch Gardens passes to include Adventure Island! Courtesy of Mimi! I love our families! And I love living in Tampa;) Now, we knew given Sams love for the splash areas at Busch Gardens, that she would flip at the sight of Adventure Island! And she did! While driving in, she sees the ginormous slide and lets out a big "WOW"! Then after entering the park, we heard many times, WOW this is SO MUCH FUN! I cant say that I have ever seen her more excited! Except maybe when she met the Princesses at Disney World.


The most precious moment I think I have ever experienced came today, while we were swimming in the beach area. Samantha does alot of adorable things that make my heart smile on a daily basis. But today she nearly brought me to tears. Brian and I were talking, and just watching her have the time of her life. Out of the blue she swims over to us, wraps her little arms as wide as they would reach around both of our necks, looks at us and with the most grown up, yet innocent voice, and says "I love you guys"! Then gives mommy the biggest kiss ever, and next daddy! Then she turns and heads back to the ladder. We both just stared at each other in amazement! Best ever Parent moment by far!!!!!!!!


On a totally different note, I had to wear my trusty Gator ball cap all day to keep my nearly bald scalp from frying! After exiting the park and getting settled in the car, I took my hat off and looked in the mirror. The tears suddenly and out of nowhere came way too easily. When Brian got in the car, I told him it was time to shave it when we got home. A part of me wanted to hold onto every last strand. The rational part said, girl its just hair, and you look like an 80 yr old women LOL its got to go! So I sat down in the chair and Brian went to town with the clippers. I must say it was hard to watch the rest of my hair fall to the floor. But after he finished, I looked in the mirror and surprisingly still saw ME. I do however realize that most likely, for a long time I will do a double take every time I walk by a mirror:) I learned two things tonight. One being that I have a VERY very small head. The other being that its cold not having hair up there keep my head warm LOL! Sam told us that we (Brian and I) have the same hair now, but that she has different hair! Shes so cute, and for the most part could care less that Mommy has no hair. That's what I love about children. They don't even see the superficial and the exterior. They see to the heart of everyone. And all she sees is her mommy.


So today was just about perfect!