Perfect example, last Wed. I went in to get the results of my latest PET scan. The previous scans 3 months prior, looked fantastic! With significant improvement. So naturally I expected these scans to be none the less fantastic. Well that assumption would be wrong.
The Dr. used the word "stable". No worsening, but not much improvement to note. He postponed my treatments for that day and sent me home to "think about things". Now granted, my Dr.'s in TX still have not seen the scans at this time. So we have no idea what the radiologists there has to say. But I did not like the way I felt leaving that place. There was this nagging feeling of defeat almost. Like someone threw a big ole wrench in my plans. But at the same time an even bigger feeling and little voice saying "nope this isn't good enough, you will not accept this". I feel like I have been living in a "Glass Case of Emotion". Ron Burgundy, you ain't got nothin' on me;) At this point we are still waiting to hear what TX says and then decide where to go from here.
After having a mini pity party for a few days, I came to the conclusion that as long as I have breath, I am going to make each day count. The future can be scary. And fear of the unknown can be equally as scary. But this old hymn I used to sing as a kid at Church comes to mind.
I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.
So with my faith restored and somewhat renewed strength thanks to no more chemo, I set out to enjoy my wknd! It turned out to be a fabulous wknd! We took our girl to the Pumpkin Festival and had a really great time! It does my heart good to see her smile and have a good time!
Glad to see your new post! And to hear peace in your voice even through your writing. I know what I went through for those few days as your mother was on a totally different level than you were on and our thoughts and fears were were not the same, but I too had to regroup and get my focus back where it belonged. And it's nothing short of amazing that I just last night posted part of that old song on Lynn Lewis's FB page. Like minds and hearts think alike! My faith has been restored in many ways, and God has been pouring out his blessings in a big way through His people in the last few days. We have received an out pouring of wonderful donations for the Auction! We Love you all and are proud of YOU! Love, Mom and Dad
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Kelli! I don't even know what my future holds, so I wont pretend to know yours :) but you are right that it is in God's hands and he is a God of unlikely circumstances. He proved that throughout the Bible.
ReplyDeleteThat picture of Sam on the horse is great! You should photoshop her into a grassy field :)
We are frustrated that we havent been able to get away from here to come to any of your benefits (or for anything for that matter!), but I'm glad to hear they have gone well. I keep thinking life will slow down soon but I guess it just doesnt with a baby, toddler, and jobs. Good luck with the coming auction.
Abby