One thing we know about Cancer, it sucks. This much has been established. I absolutely despise it. It has surely taken me for one heck of a ride the last 3 yrs. It make take parts of me and is a huge inconvenience. But it will not steal my joy. I will not become a victim. Yes I have cried, screamed, asked why and begged for mercy. But the fact is, I am here. I am still breathing. And there must be a reason why. If God can take this mess and use it for His glory. Then who am I to complain? I can either shut down emotionally or I can pull myself together and suck it up. As terrified as I am about what lies ahead, I just have to remind myself to put one foot in front of the other and trust that on the days when I just can't make it happen, that He will carry me.
I met with my new Surgeon this past Thursday. Which in itself was a complete miracle and act of God. I was immediately put at ease by his ability to make me feel like one of his own grandchildren. He is about the most "Human" Dr. I have met yet. I am no doubt right where God wants me to be. I am scheduled for a double mastectomy tomorrow at 1. The nerves, anxiety and unrest that accompany a procedure like this are overwhelming to say the least. I have been to some pretty low points recently. My heart is breaking and the road ahead is unclear. I am a little angry. I am a little bitter. I am ALOT scared. BUT still somehow that peace remains. He has carried me this far and He has promised me He will never let go.
I just want to say a HUGE thank you for all of the phone calls, txt messages, emails, and comments from friends and family! I do not walk this road alone. You all have no idea how much you lift me up. My heart overflows with love for you all!
I will do my very best to update when I am able. Thank you again! I want to share with you a song that has played over and over on my phone, computer and in my head the last few days. It is pretty special. Good night everyone.