I Call Mercy

I have struggled with how to begin this post for many nights now.

Up until about 6 weeks ago, I was doing really well. I still feel pretty good for the most part.
I have spent more time than I would have liked in Dr. offices the last week and will be spending plenty more I'm sure in the next few weeks.

Without going into too much detail, it seems that this nasty little devourer has decided to invade my left breast now as well. It happened rather quickly. I have been in quite a bit of pain the last few weeks, which can be exhausting. I still feel perfectly normal otherwise. Which is so frustrating! Everyone tells me how great I look and I am still doing all the things I love to do.

I will be meeting with a Radiologist and Surgeon in the next week or so to go over my (options). I can't even began to tell you what a complete buzz kill this is. I have been battling some MAJOR anxiety and depression. Nightmares and anxiety attacks on a pretty regular basis. Some days are more bearable than others. But let's be honest, this SUCKS big time! This whole process really tends to wear on you in alot of ways.

This wknd was to be the start of our annual family trip to the Island. One of the few places I am able to find peace and solace. I plan to be there as much as possible. Samantha has been looking forward to this for quite some time now. Speaking of Samantha, I cannot begin to tell you how many tears I have cried lately. It kills me to look at my sweet baby girl and think that I have to go through this again. Satan has been whispering horrible things in my ear on a constant basis. He would love for me to believe the absolute worst. And at times I almost have. But he does not get to choose the verdict here. I am so unbelievably stubborn and just plain refuse to give up. Human will is a funny and extraordinary thing. I may cry and I may scream. I may even refuse to get out of bed some mornings. But this will not get the best of me. One of our pastors spoke about something that really hit home with me last week. He said that sometimes the things that we view as setbacks, are really just setups. A setup for something amazing. God is still up to something in me. I just need a little more grace and patience to see it come to pass.

I will do my best to keep the blog updated. In the mean time, I ask that you all PLEASE pray for me! It has been very hard for me to open up about this right now, but I really need to be lifted up. Some days I don't even know what to pray for. That's where all of you amazing prayer warriors come in! I love you all and I am so grateful for everyone who is sticking with me through this!