Thursday, June 7, 2012

I Call Mercy

I have struggled with how to begin this post for many nights now.

Up until about 6 weeks ago, I was doing really well. I still feel pretty good for the most part.
I have spent more time than I would have liked in Dr. offices the last week and will be spending plenty more I'm sure in the next few weeks.

Without going into too much detail, it seems that this nasty little devourer has decided to invade my left breast now as well. It happened rather quickly. I have been in quite a bit of pain the last few weeks, which can be exhausting. I still feel perfectly normal otherwise. Which is so frustrating! Everyone tells me how great I look and I am still doing all the things I love to do.

I will be meeting with a Radiologist and Surgeon in the next week or so to go over my (options). I can't even began to tell you what a complete buzz kill this is. I have been battling some MAJOR anxiety and depression. Nightmares and anxiety attacks on a pretty regular basis. Some days are more bearable than others. But let's be honest, this SUCKS big time! This whole process really tends to wear on you in alot of ways.

This wknd was to be the start of our annual family trip to the Island. One of the few places I am able to find peace and solace. I plan to be there as much as possible. Samantha has been looking forward to this for quite some time now. Speaking of Samantha, I cannot begin to tell you how many tears I have cried lately. It kills me to look at my sweet baby girl and think that I have to go through this again. Satan has been whispering horrible things in my ear on a constant basis. He would love for me to believe the absolute worst. And at times I almost have. But he does not get to choose the verdict here. I am so unbelievably stubborn and just plain refuse to give up. Human will is a funny and extraordinary thing. I may cry and I may scream. I may even refuse to get out of bed some mornings. But this will not get the best of me. One of our pastors spoke about something that really hit home with me last week. He said that sometimes the things that we view as setbacks, are really just setups. A setup for something amazing. God is still up to something in me. I just need a little more grace and patience to see it come to pass.

I will do my best to keep the blog updated. In the mean time, I ask that you all PLEASE pray for me! It has been very hard for me to open up about this right now, but I really need to be lifted up. Some days I don't even know what to pray for. That's where all of you amazing prayer warriors come in! I love you all and I am so grateful for everyone who is sticking with me through this!

14 comments:

  1. I'll be praying for you and your family. You are an inspiration to me and surely to others. I love the bond between you and your daughter.

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  2. Love your raw emotion and vulnerability Kelli! Thank you for bearing your soul! Love you friend and we'll be praying!

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  3. We will definitely be praying. Try to relax and enjoy your beach week!

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  4. Kelli, This is the time to stand and know GOD WILL. You are so right to know that the voices that bring fear and anxiety are those of the enemy(satan,stupid devil) cause he picked the wrong person to mess with in you. You are Loved by many,prayer warriors included, rehearse your past victories and proclaim this will not be different. Take this beautiful time with your family and breathe in all of GOD'S beauty that HE will show you and help get your emotions back in check to emerge stronger than ever. ALWAYS HOPE, Laura

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  5. You and your entire family are in my thoughts & prayers. God's blessings on you!!!

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  6. Kelli,
    You have always been such a positive and inspiring person! My family will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

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  7. You are spot on. God gives us enough Grace for today and it is sufficient. You are a brave child of God, a loving, caring, giving wife and a fabulous mother Kelli. I am prarying for you Brian, Samantha and all the others whose llives are entertwined with yours. Keep sharing your story hon. There is something about releasing those inner thoughts and feelings that frees your mind. I believe God still has plans for your life girl. Plans for a future. Keep smiling and keep singing praises to the one that created you. Most of all give thanks for everything because He is doing a good work in you and He inhabits the praise of his people. <3

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  8. Let us take our tears and prayers for Kelli's healed body to Christ with raised hands in the air, feel the power of God move to Kelli, replace the pain in her body with the fire of God. God is willing for what we believe. Believe today Kelli's body is healed, Satan is defeated in this cancer. There is nothing Satan can do to move any of towards him. Today I claim Gods word for Kelli.

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  9. Lifting you up daily, Kelli! Praying for your peace of mind. complete healing, and deaf ears to satan's lies! Thank you for your post, love you!

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  10. Praying without ceasing for you and your family.....you are brave but I know you are feeling down to say the least...praying for the peace that will envelop you and that the Lord will put his arms around you.....praying for healing and that Dr's will make the right decisions...call me if you need anything or to talk....
    Love you.....The Lewis'...Ms. Lynn

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  11. Praying for you! Loved what your pastor said, "He said that sometimes the things that we view as setbacks, are really just setups. A setup for something amazing".

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  12. Hi Kelly, I go to church with Brandon and Sarah Nolan in Georgia, and I send out our email prayer list to our church congregation. You have been on our list, and you will remain there. I will be praying for God to ease your pain and anxiety and heal your body. Donna Rouse, Hillcrest Baptist Church, Acworth, GA

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  13. Miss you kel, hang in there ! Praying for you always

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  14. Prayers for you and your family. God has a plan that no human can imagine. Keep giving Him the glory and that gives satan a black eye. In the times that you feel as though you don't have the strength to pray or do not know what to pray just say the precious name of Jesus. He knows your heart and what you need. And when Satan whispers in your ear, say "holy, holy, holy" just as the angels do to praise our Lord. Satan must flee from the presence of the Lord and anytime that you call on Him, He is near. So therefore... Satan must flee!!!

    God Bless,
    Lindie Ritter & Family

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