Hair Loss and Other Atrocities

Cancer is a nasty beast...I hate to even say the word. But it does not define me nor will I be labeled a victim. I will get through this with the help of my family and friends and all those praying for me and lifting me up. And to those who may have negative things to say, please keep them to yourself. I am in the fight for my life, and ignorance is not something I have time to entertain. I choose to surround myself with positivity. I just simply have no desire for anything otherwise. I am so blessed to have the support system that I have. God is at work in my life. And I can't wait to see what he has for me. Thank you for understanding.

After my initial diagnosis, I used to think about death on a regular basis. I even imagined my own funeral. Had thoughts of not being here for my daughter and leaving her behind. I still occasionally have fleeting thoughts. But that's all they are, fleeting. They no longer consume me. I do not live in fear. I will not give Satan the opportunity to creep into my head in those weak moments. There have been times when I have verbally denounced him in Jesus name. He loves a weak heart.

There are days when I feel so vulnerable and I actually pity myself. But I have to quickly remind myself that I am still breathing, still living and have a future. Cancer does not have the upper hand here.

I never would have imagined myself having to pick out Wigs at the age of 30. I have spent hours on the Internet in search of the best options.
After finding hair all over the house, on my plate, on my pillow and everywhere you could imagine, I decided it was time to take things into my own hands. So today a sweet friend gave me the cutest bob. It may all be gone by this time next week. But in the mean time, I see no reason why I can't rock this cute do!

Simplicity is my middle name (well not literally LOL, it's Deanna). Vanity has never been an issue with me. So when I realized that despite all the positive thinking in the world and precautions, my hair was falling out, it didn't feel like the world was ending. In all honesty, here is my issue. Up until now, the average passerby would never know that I was "sick" or facing this. I looked perfectly healthy. People who never knew, were surprised to find out. But now because of the Chemo, I am losing my hair, which it turn makes me appear sick. I cant stand pity looks or talks, even though I realize people mean well. I don't want people looking at me thinking "oh you poor thing". I am still a confident, beautiful, fearfully made woman. Of course what woman wants to lose their hair? Don't think that I didn't almost pass out when 1/3 of my hair fell in the sink. Make no mistake, it is traumatic. But I will be just fine with or without it. And it will eventually come back. I just may look like my hubby for a while, minus the beard:)